It can be so easy to stop loving yourself and see only your flaws. Sometimes the negative thoughts, self-doubt and feelings of unworthiness can begin to take over. It’s not a good feeling. And it’s one I want to help you get rid of. This 4 minute read is going to show you effectively, how to fall in love with yourself.
To begin with, I want you to remember you are lovely. You are powerful. Everything you’re doing is perfect and you’re exactly where you need to be. I know, this is much easier to hear than it is to believe, so I’m going to show you exactly how to believe it yourself.
What does it actually mean to love yourself
Loving yourself means you are your own cheerleader and role model. Those people that inspire you? You see yourself in the same way and get inspired just looking in the mirror. Doubt goes out the window, instead you’re fuelled with the confidence and gumption of Donald Trump… You see everything you do as the perfect option for that moment. You live in the present and are excited for how you’re going to master the future. The self-criticism, negative thinking and anxiety is replaced with a sparkle, an energy and a boldness you only see in celebrities. You don’t need anyone to tell you you’ve done a good job, or look nice today because you know you already do.
Loving yourself is a power. It’s a power we can all harness and master in simple, and beautiful steps.
Why you’re not already in love with yourself
You’re not born into this world knowing how to love yourself, but you’re also not born knowing how to hate yourself. We’re conditioned to believe things through our surroundings from the day we’re born. Your teachers, your parents, your friends, society; all of them play a part in our conditioning that lead us to believe things about ourselves. But that’s just it. A belief. A belief based on what your surroundings and your life have lead you to believe about yourself. A study based on perceived intelligence showed us that no matter our level of intelligence, if our peers and teachers supported and encouraged the idea that we are in fact intelligent, we began to believe it, thus becoming more intelligent.
I was bullied throughout school and my parents divorced when I was 7. I’ve always been normal, but a bit of an outsider. Being an over-achiever meant constantly pressuring and comparing myself to my peers. This is unfortunately something I still do today, along with being in constant battling with negative and self-critical thoughts. The difference between then and now however, is that I only let myself do it for 30 seconds. Fortunately, I’m now able to recognise the signs and triggers and am able to identify the warning signs. What’s more powerful though – I’m now aware of the most effective ways to overcome these obstacles and want to share with you exactly how to fall in love with yourself.
So I won’t sit here and say the reason you don’t love yourself yet is down to the experiences you’ve had, but I will say you’re likely feeling this way because you haven’t had experiences that DO teach you how to fall in love with yourself.
Falling in love with yourself is a very easy process – it just takes a little practice and a little patience. Just like most good things in life, right!
So now for the juicy bits you’ve been waiting for… Without further ado, here’s how to fall in love with yourself.
How to fall in love with yourself in 5 steps
Change the way you think and talk to yourself
The way we think has an incredible impact on how we feel (obvious I know, but it needs to be said). We are in-control of what we think, and this includes the words we choose to say to ourselves in our minds and aloud. Sometimes though, our brains don’t like to be our friends. They choose the negative self-talk over anything positive. It’s much easier for our brains to think negatively because it’s there to protect us, to ensure our survival. However, the threats on our lives are no longer actually life-threatening (we’re not being hunted by sabre-tooth tigers, or fear dying from the cold in a cave), so thinking negatively is just a waste of our precious energy.
Change the way you think and talk to yourself, and you’ll instantly understand how to fall in love with yourself. All that’s needed is some gentle monitoring of what floats around in our lovely heads. This will allow us the ability to notice a destructive thought, and as soon as we do, the next step is to replace it with something constructive. Here’s a wee example:
- “I spilt my coffee everywhere this morning, I didn’t get chance to workout and I couldn’t even manage breakfast – this day is going to be tragic” (Destructive Thought)
- “Ok, that didn’t go as I’d expected or wanted, but I’ll learn from it for now and carry on with my day” (Constructive Thought)
Take the blame off yourself, and cut yourself some slack just like you would your best friend or child. Learn how I completely fell in love with myself and became my own hero using just this technique here.
One way you can implement positive words and thoughts into your life is through daily affirmations and mantras. Check out this article for some guidance with this.
Accept yourself and your situation
As soon as you accept yourself and your situation, you’ll soon find yourself falling head over heels for… yourself of course. The resistance towards this right now is what makes it so hard to love yourself! That feeling of being unsettled and unbalanced is so uncomfortable, but becomes incredibly manageable when we’re able to accept. Say to yourself ‘I accept my flaws’, ‘I accept that I feel jealous’, ‘I accept my body, and the way it makes me feel’. Each time we accept something about ourselves that we’d usually reject, we become more and more in love with ourselves. And if you’re struggling with a particularly unsettling feeling, read this.
Do some yoga
When it comes to figuring out how to fall in love with yourself, yoga is one of the biggest teachers out there. It teaches us to be present, to breath through our issues and to see a bigger world than just ourselves. I originally started yoga because I wanted to be fit and healthy… I struggled with anxiety, overthinking, self-doubt – and the rest! Yoga not only gave me physical strength and flexibility, it gave me mental resilience and a sense of calm I’d never experienced before. It’s like someone turned a light-bulb on and I remembered thoughts aren’t facts, and I am actually ok. Within a few months of yoga, I realised how worthy of love I truly am, making this one of the most important factors of learning how to fall in love with myself… and it felt incredible!
If you haven’t tried it before and you’re unsure as to how to give it a go, here’s an amazing resource to identify what will work best for you. Or if you have tried before but struggle to keep it consistent, there are so many options to help you maintain your practice or get it started – Live Yoga can be practised at home with a teacher, online yoga that you can do whenever you fancy, or studio yoga if you like a community feel.
This is probably the hardest to try, but offers the quickest change… The difficulty comes in recognising when we’re being mean to ourselves! Throughout the day, I’ll catch myself saying things like ‘that person won’t respond to you, you’re not important enough’, or ‘wow, they’re doing really well – why aren’t you?’. Sometimes it takes a little longer to recognise these thoughts on tough days, but as soon as we can, we’re able to forgive ourselves.
The magic comes when we stop and say to ourselves ‘I forgive myself for this misunderstanding. I am important enough. I am worthy. I’m doing well.’
It’s ok to be down on ourselves, but it feels even better to forgive ourselves for all these little misunderstandings. As soon as you’re able to see yourself as the pure, beautiful being that you are, you’re learning how to fall in love with yourself.
Say hello to negative emotions
Whenever a thought or feeling comes up that isn’t totally full of love for yourself, welcome and say hello to it. Unworthiness popping up? Hey there! Self-doubt? Fear? Oh heyyy.. What’s up pal! Give it a character and it becomes something separate to us. Once we’re able to detach from those thoughts and see them as outside ourselves, we become so aware of how pure and amazing we actually really are. That person who’s able to hello to those emotions – that’s the real you. And that’s when you begin to realise how easy it is to fall in love with yourself.
Take away points
Above all, we must remember thoughts aren’t facts. We have the beautiful power to change our self-talk and choose words of love. Acceptance and forgiveness allow us the freedom to fall in love with ourselves. Yoga is an incredible gateway to initiate all that fabulous love and all we need to do is say hey to those not so lovely thoughts! So you were wondering how to fall in love with yourself.. now you see how possible it is so go ahead and bring the above points into your life, you’ve got this!